Lost in Life

So a few things have happened since I was last here. Let me see if I can condense it all down in a *short* list. Here goes:

-uh....*brain fart* oh!

-moved to northwest georgia
-cleaned house
-job hunting...lots of job hunting
-stress
-stress
-stress
-stress
-job hunting and cleaning
-oh yeah, let's not forget the depression
-job hunting
-job hunting
-stress
-guilt
-job hunting
-job hunting
-depression
-depression
-fighting with the guy (did we actually break up or didn't we? i'm so confused. so much for loving someone through their issues, no matter how supportive you've been of them.)
-job hunting
-depression
-house hunting
-storage facility hunting
-job hunting
-depression
-guilt
-continual cleaning and laundry
-job hunting
-house/motel/trailer/abandoned barn hunting
-job hunting


That's about the gist of it.  I am stretched beyond thin and am almost to a breaking point. I have started scouting out roads I can park on to sleep in my vehicle where the cops will leave me in peace. I am okay with this. I am substitute teaching but it's not nearly consistent. My hundred or so applications for additional employment have yielded nothing so far, aside from an interested fast food manager who has yet to call me and say those magical words: you're hired/you start tomorrow/etc.  I have not been happy lately and can very much relate to Eyeore in his tent.

Several times I have needed my mother, who only wants to talk about the next trip planned or what this person did that week/weekend instead of listening to her rapidly fading offspring as she spirals down.  I do what is expected, put on my smile and act like the world is sunshine and roses. No one knows the truth but those few I have already spoken to about circumstances.

I am so tired of being rejected and made to feel like I am not good enough. I have no fight left.